What leads a man to where he is in
life? What has lead me here? I am 27 and what have I done? What have I
accomplished? nothing...
But what does that mean? Where is
that balance between self loathing and that acknowledgement of my
failures that act as a driving force to move forward. Both stem from the
same thing. It is difficult to stay on course to a pure motivation when
that same motivation is based in the much and soil of time wasted.
But we cannot let this impede us from moving forward. Whether it be in career, personal accomplishment... in love...
To
embrace all we are and all we have done. To learn from each misstep and
fall in the dirt. Making it easier to stay clean in the future.
I have been told that sinners make the best saints. Perhaps this is true, but even if not is not that ideal the important thing?
Hope...
That
I may find salvation within, not necessarily in a spiritual or
metaphysical sense, although that may certainly be applicable, but that
all my mistakes, lessons learned, things done or not, may in their own
way be the foundation for a more perfect me.
I must reach
into my very marrow and turn my sins into virtue, to create a more
complete weltbild, understanding of myself and the world, and turn that
wasted time into something else. Classroom in the gutters of life that
may bring me more success in my endeavors, career, and in my soul. Bring
me closer to my true image and all I can become, and in that closer to
God, closer to love
