The Marrow of It

What leads a man to where he is in life? What has lead me here? I am 27 and what have I done? What have I accomplished? nothing...

But what does that mean? Where is that balance between self loathing and that acknowledgement of my failures that act as a driving force to move forward. Both stem from the same thing. It is difficult to stay on course to a pure motivation when that same motivation is based in the much and soil of time wasted.

But we cannot let this impede us from moving forward. Whether it be in career, personal accomplishment... in love...

To embrace all we are and all we have done. To learn from each misstep and fall in the dirt. Making it easier to stay clean in the future.

I have been told that sinners make the best saints. Perhaps this is true, but even if not is not that ideal the important thing?

Hope...

That I may find salvation within, not necessarily in a spiritual or metaphysical sense, although that may certainly be applicable, but that all my mistakes, lessons learned, things done or not, may in their own way be the foundation for a more perfect me.

I must reach into my very marrow and turn my sins into virtue, to create a more complete weltbild, understanding of myself and the world, and turn that wasted time into something else. Classroom in the gutters of life that may bring me more success in my endeavors, career, and in my soul. Bring me closer to my true image and all I can become, and in that closer to God, closer to love